Bloody Hell
by mrsgabbysmall
Summary: Poor, torn Madison. Who would have thought that her choice would be so difficult?
1. Heaven Scent

^^ hi.  
i've been wanting to put this out for a while....though i never finished it.  
there's a part II. and, eventually, a part III when i finish... eventually... *sighs*

* * *

It was always tickling her.

The scent, the wretched scent, followed Maddie around, sneaking up on her when she least expected it. Each time it came to her, it was slightly different, though it always retained enough of its' distinct qualities to be identified as the same. Each time it came to her, she would pause, reflecting on the moment she had first noticed its presence. Had it really been so long ago? Each time it came to her, a smile would break out on her face, followed by an intense dilation of her eyes and a rush of euphoria throughout her body. She would have to quickly control herself to avoid being eyed with suspicion or being discovered by the numerous others who were less sensitive to the oh-so-special smell. Each time it came to her…

She renewed her wish then, knowing she did so in vain. Maddie had been hoping that, in due time, the aroma would lessen its' powerful grip on her and allow some bit of relief into her mind. She ached for a moment of peace, of ease, of equanimity. But time, she had learned, knew no limits, nor any consideration of one's suffering. **Especially **hers.

With a sigh, she moved through her office towards the window. The office, in itself, offered her nothing of value. There were no paintings, no murals, nothing conceptual or abstract of the sort that would possibly stimulate an intellectual conversation. No, the office was, in a word, boring. In two, absolutely bland. The only thing worth acknowledging in it was the single red rose, replaced every other day, in the corner of the room. Not on a desk, or a table, or any other furniture, just in the corner. There it lay, quiet and destitute of attention and a vase, never noticed by the rushing world it watched. Maddie would usually ignore this lone piece of art in her office, a feat which proved impossible for her after only a short amount of time.

It had been Maddie's own decision to have this particular office become her own, despite her initial reaction to it before a closer inspection. Anyone who happened to step into it would instantly lose interest and turn to Maddie with ungracious eyes. Perhaps they believed the moronic myth, the one that insisted "the office reflects the mind of its' occupant". This myth, having spread throughout many an office building, had aggrandized thanks to the legions of people who had believed it and headed to the nearest antique store. Once there, they proceeded to purchase any items showing a remote amount of craftsmanship, regardless of the little knowledge they had on it or the incredulous price on the tag. Theoretically, this allowed them to successfully mask their lack of creativity to their friends and fellow workers and, in accordance with the myth, lead others to believe their minds were constantly being philosophical or imaginative. Those that did this managed to fool the world, but the true grief lay deeper, with the fact that they could never fool themselves.

Externally, they were extravagant. Internally, they were lost.

Slowly, Maddie approached the window to her office. It was late, barely dusk, and the silence around her was impervious. She was certain no one else was in the building or, at the very least, on her floor, but she still moved stealthily, in a manner that no other normal person could imitate. She placed one hand on the heavy, dark curtain that would remain closed for the duration of the next day, then stopped. Shutting her eyes, Maddie gather her thoughts and prepared herself. Then, with an unexpected flourish, she swung open the curtains, strode to the middle of the room, and opened her eyes.


	2. Earth Bound

hello againnn :]  
basically, i just wanted to get this out.  
and not have to worry about it later...  
i'll finish it eventually.  
i just haven't had any incentive... for two years...  
if anyone asks.. i may finish. may.  
no promises.

* * *

The scene before her was one she had awed and fawned over from the moment she had first laid eyes on it. From her line of sight on the highest level of the 25-story building, one could not help but fall in love with the exquisitely beautiful, picture-perfect image on the other side of the window. On the left, there was nothing but ocean water, strong and mighty with its' dark blue waves. During the day, its' beauty remained untouched due to the private land owned by Maddie, although it's publicity would have left it just as perfect. On the right, rolling hills bordered the water and appeared to go on forever, leading straight into a forest which seemingly sparkled at the first touch of light. This view from Maddie's window worked wonders on her every night she dared open the curtains, instigating extravagant fantasies and leaving her feeling lost and inferior in the face of such an impressive spectacle. Tonight, as a special treat from Mother Nature, its' effect was even more powerful. Aside from the fact that the moon was full and glorious, millions of stars littered the sky, accompanied by a steady drizzle of rain. The two teamed up and made an even greater object of the sea, with the stars multiplying in the reflection and the rain gently coaxing hundreds of tiny ripples out onto its' surface.

Dazzled, Maddie stood there in the middle of her office, taking in as much as she could before the next day. The curtain, so haphazardly thrown open now, was kept shut during work hours. If it was left open, there would obviously be so much more activity in Maddie's office, beckoning her employees to come in and make themselves comfortable. Maddie, however, could not bring herself to share it with anyone or anything other than her musings. It was selfish and uncharacteristic of Maddie, but her appreciation of stillness and of being alone explained it all. She didn't care what others thought of her, regarding the whole office myth. As long as she knew who she was, who she had been, and who she wanted to be, the others could believe what they wanted of her and her mind.

Let them think lies. At least **she **knew what lay beneath, behind the masquerade, behind the curtain. At least she was aware of reality.

Looking down below her, Maddie saw a man standing under one of the oldest trees to the right. He was pacing the sidewalk, paying no attention to the rain or the dark. Even from her birds-eye view of him, Maddie knew who she was. Who else would be out at this time, but the man whose eyes always found hers, or whose words always silenced hers? He grew restless, occasionally checking his watch and jumping up and down as though attempting to release energy. Maddie watched him for a bit, and her mind was at ease.

After a few lengthy moments of pure tranquility, Maddie returned the curtains to their original position, lingering ever so slightly at the opening. Walking over to the darkest corner of her office, she bent down and picked up the red rose. With an extraordinary amount of care, she held it with both hands and sat down at her desk, mind no longer well. Maddie tried hard not to think about the man who had cunningly managed to slip past her security every other day to place this rose in the darkest, least conspicuous corner of her room, who had subtly captured her heart and run away with her will. She tried hard to focus on something other than the fact that he knew more about her than any other person in the world and was **aware **of that. She tried, with all her might, not to think of the experiences that had set her spirit ablaze for him, and the knowledge that their time was almost up.

Failing to do so, Maddie returned to the corner and sat with her head on her knees, realizing this man was the only thing her mind could not keep out. She placed the rose on her stomach, chose to enjoy the prick of pain from the thorns, and wept openly.

_I am alive…_

She started humming a bit, quieting her sobs ever so slightly. Slowly but surely, Maddie calmed herself down and managed to rid her face of the traces the tears had left. She stepped torpidly over to her desk and stood in front of the trash can next to it. Then with a sigh, she threw the rose away in a gingerly manner as though hoping not to ruin the petals, just as she had done every other night for as long as her life had had meaning. Maddie stood there for a while, looking wistfully at the desperate, forgotten flower. The ticking of the grandfather clock, hardly ever noticed, echoed loudly throughout the empty, desolate room. Every other night, she would return to the corner and cry some more, never once delaying at the rose's demise.

This night, however, was different.

_Do I have to deny it? What would happen if I didn't? Would it really be so bad for me to actually __**feel **__for once? If I were to fight for it, to defend it within myself… it can't hurt anyone else much, can it? I don't mean to be selfish but… doesn't everyone deserve a bit of happiness in their life?_

A debate broke out in her mind, and she stood, frozen, in her spot. Innumerable emotions were coursing through her, making it impossible for her to even **think** about anything other than the situation at hand. For so long, she had been determined to stay safe and secure within the confinement of her own restrictions, her own limitations, and she had grown accustomed to solitude. For so long, she had repelled emotions, and the feelings that tagged along with them.

Well... enough was enough.

With sudden deliberation, Maddie pulled the rose back from its' grave in the garbage, yanked open her curtain once more, and ran out of the room.

* * *

I like this story. Alot.  
Sometimes, I wish I was still in the state of mind that I was when I first wrote this...  
but then I realize that would be bad. For many reasons.  
k bye :]


End file.
